summer 2020 writing recap

[kumquat]

this summer i got back into writing fic after over a year of not doing any creative writing whatsoever! i guess i was spending my entire writing brain working on my thesis for that year – it's funny to think about how much time i put into those 15k words, which frankly makes creative writing feel like a breeze in comparison. if i could sit down and get 500 words done on my thesis i would call it a good day, and often i had to word vomit all my thoughts for hundreds of words so i could cut it down to a single actually coherent paragraph.

i can definitely feel myself growing in terms of my fiction writing skills which makes me really happy. for a long time i didn't think of myself as a writer in any way, nor as someone who would be able to consistently produce good fic... not that i think of myself this way now, but i think with everything i write i am pushing myself to flex a new writing muscle. and someday i can dream of having even more fic on my ao3 dashboard!

OVERVIEW

• total word count: 19,814
• written for fests: 4/5 (except for proximity, which doesn't count because it's from the gdocs graveyard)
• all of them were rpf...
• 2 "idolverse"/canon, 1 atla au, 1 college au, 1 historical au

a lot of rambling on fic in general under the cut


the heart, telepathic
2 june 2020, written for gg jukebox
eunwoo/jieqiong, pristin/hinapia, 5k

• oh man.. this was a doozy to write, and it's hard to read post-hinapia disbandment. i think if i had started writing this even a few weeks later i would pretty quickly have realized that hinapia was never getting a comeback, much less any kind of music show win – in my boundless optimism i guess i never thought about how canon-divergent this would actually become.
• this was my first experience writing idolverse. it feels right that it was kyulwoo because their respective trajectories as idols have shaped so much of how we as fans perceive their dynamic... especially for me, because i never got into pristin until they were on the very brink of disbandment, so my entire experience learning about them has always been tinged with mourning for what they used to be. i was also surprised that no one (on ao3 at least) had really written about post-separation/disbandment kyulwoo when i think about it all the time. i don't read a lot of idolverse because i honestly find it pretty bleak, because being in the public eye is such a huge burden, and there are so many other real-life restrictions otherwise that i would rather not deal with. the girls worked so hard to come back in hinapia though and i enjoyed getting to honor that a little bit here.
• more thoughts on canon... honestly idk what the state of pristin ot10 is right now and i try not to think too much about it, especially after kylagate happened. risa posted that spreadsheet of who's following who and i'm just like???? i don't see it or interpret it. also the eunwoo/jieq rumors from kylagate made me think a lot about how i can have fun tinhetting potential pristeen dynamics, but i absolutely don't want to know or speculate about what idols were actually doing as teenage trainees. like, while i would love to hear more about how well prst/svt know each other behind the scenes, hearing any actual kind of dating rumor (predebut specifically) makes me feel gross. i do not want to know. more thoughts on this later perhaps.. i think this is some of my aversion to reading idolverse too, i can only really enjoy fic when there's a conscientious layer of separation – the ethical conundrum of rpf is what to include and exclude when it comes to constructing the separation between idol/character and real person. i also don't think i could write any more kyulwoo or pristin idolverse at this point... i feel like i should let the hinapia girls live their lives, or at least figure out how they want to reappear in the public eye. :(
• this fic has a lot of me in it. in particular, how the scariest part of being separated from someone you're close to is the fear that you'll meet again as strangers – or that even if you're still friends, you'll never be able to read each other as perfectly as you could when you spent every day together.

proximity
15 july 2020
kim chi/trixie mattel, rupaul's drag race, 1.1k

• dredged up and posted from my gdocs graveyard for jo-ann! i think i wrote this in april 2019 as the first scene in what was supposed to be at least a 3-5k fic, but i was going through the documents in my writing folder and realized that what i had wasn't half bad, even if i had no desire to finish the rest of it.
• this was supposed to be a kim character study, and i guess even in its super truncated form it still kind of is. i really love kim chi and feel a lot for her, and between the poorly written naochi lesbian au cameos and the trixie best friend cameos kim never really gets her time in the spotlight in rpdr ficdom. she's talked about her dysmorphia and still being a virgin (at least when she was on the show) and never telling her mom about what she does – i wanted to touch on some of those themes in this, and also celebrate kim/trixie/shea friendship. now that i'm writing this i honest to god am just thinking about how much i love kim T____T stupid little chinese lesbian watching drag race in her dorm room vs. dorky korean gay boy in design school fight. also bitches be going to gay clubs and not hooking up with anyone ever (we're bitches)
• this was technically my first time writing anything canon/"idolverse" chronologically, but that distinction feels very different for drag race fic vs. kpop fic. part of it is definitely that drag queens have a lot more freedom in how they can express themselves and play with their identities because they are literally out and gay, and more often than not really messy on social media, so it doesn't feel like the speculation is as wild or out of bounds. also that they're simply older (like already 18) by the time they start doing drag, so they're intentionally putting themselves out in the public eye even if they're just baby drag queens. and drag race also gives you a kind of established format for making sense of the drag queen persona (character) vs. the real person behind the character. obviously rupaul still does some wack extractive shit trying to get everyone on the show to share their sob stories, but it feels more natural to me to go from just being a fan of the show, like i love this person's performance art but also feel really connected to their personal story, to reading/writing idolverse fic exploring both sides of that. more natural compared to idol industries at least where the "realness" of someone's actual backstory tends to be the selling point of their idol persona and the lines are much blurrier. i don't think that's a bad thing at all, but it took me some getting used to... i remember asking siyao years ago how rps actually worked because i couldn't wrap my mind around it. my rps trajectory was actually reading trixya canon (m/m) fic → reading trixya lesbian aus → reading loona/other kpop fic where i basically skipped anything idolverse and went straight to au. basically i think drag race rpf taught me a lot about how real people dynamics filtered through the public eye can inform fan enjoyment of and speculation about "character" dynamics.

the fire in the sound
31 july 2020, written for director's cut fest
seungcheol/jeonghan, seventeen, 7k

• this felt like a pinch hit fic written for literally only myself. i'm so happy that i was able to turn in something for director's cut fest at the very last minute, and even more grateful to all the mods especially kaia for doing all the last-minute logistics/design work to make it happen! what i have learned from this experience is that fest deadlines do motivate me a lot. plus the work gets at least some plugging on twitter, which i can't really do from my tiny locked account (i have thought about making a writing/rps account but i truly don't think i have the energy to keep up with another tl).
• i am still really satisfied with this fic... heh.... i just love the avatarverse so much, i wrote this in two days and while it wasn't always smooth sailing i never felt like i was at a dead end for ideas. i think i managed to keep the nerding out in check for this fic but when i write the soonwoo spinoff you will really see how fucking crazy i can be. what i love about atla au is that it's very much historically informed but is still fantasy enough that you can play around with the plot without feeling like you're writing alternate history, which i think requires a much more nuanced touch that some writers (r.f. kuang) simply do not have the range for. you can also write about war and colonialism with a little more liberty than if you had to do the actual historical research, though of course i'm not averse to that either. i also think atla au is such an effective way to explore the worldbuilding of the avatarverse with new characters. as fascinating as the gaang's story is, just thinking about all the other stories that ordinary people of the avatarverse could tell about the hundred years' war and the long fight against imperialism and the rebuilding of the four nations.. SHIVERS... i'm thrilled just thinking about it!!!!
• i knew i wanted to write jeongcheol for a long time but it wasn't until later that i decided to do jeonghan pov. it was definitely a step outside my comfort zone because i'm used to writing characters i can pretty directly project onto, which in this case is definitely seungcheol.. kind of stupid sappy dork who's reckless in love and wears his heart on his sleeve. i honestly don't know what it's like to not constantly be confessing my love (if only in my head) or waxing poetic but it was a lot easier than i thought to write someone who was moodier, prone to lying, and ruthlessly pragmatic. i guess that's what writing is about because you can't always write carbon copies of yourself. funny how that works...
• the biggest plot hole in this is definitely that jeonghan and seungcheol don't make any attempt to communicate once seungcheol leaves for war and jeonghan is just like :( well that's it. guess i'll move to the big city now and regret this for the rest of my life but it's fine. i mean, the melodrama... but what are we writing war stories for if not that?

spiral
26 august 2020, written for gg jukebox mixtape round
chaewon/hyejoo, loona, 5.8k

• this was originally supposed to be a break up/make up fic to the tune of getting it on by sales, but 1) i don't think i'm emotionally ready to write break up/make up yet so i had to shelve it for something more ambiguous, and 2) i also was very stuck on the idea of hyejoo as a first-year college student (somewhat consistent with their actual ages atm) and i guess i didn't feel like they (hyewon) were emotionally ready in that au to be doing the whole break up/make up. also getting it on is a really angsty song, sad in a kind of understated way, about how you're getting back together with someone and still feeling like you don't know them at all. i wanted to write something with at least a little bit of a hopeful ending. you see, i'm still emotionally naive in many ways so i'm rarely satisfied with an ambiguous or sad ending, so this was me already pushing it. it's very boring of me but i need the happily ever after. i just think people deserve it even though i know life doesn't actually work that way.
• i've already written two big childhood friends to lovers situations (where you know each other so thoroughly that the platonic/romantic status of your relationship is never clear), so i tried to mix that up here. i wanted hyewon to have some kind of history but for hyejoo to still feel like she doesn't know chaewon in so many ways even though she's had the opportunity to all her life. sometimes you really don't realize how much you like someone until it's far too late.. but maybe it's not too late for hyejoo? or is it
• i was talking to kaia about how i have such a weak grasp on loona's ot12 dynamic compared to svt's ot13. part of this is i simply haven't kept up with loona tv for a while now, but also just that the way members/units were announced had so much more emphasis on individual members and a few specific relationships than a group dynamic... i mean there's a reason that so many of the popular ships have 2 people from the same unit/in consecutive order in the lineup. as a result i feel way more comfortable writing hyewon, if only because i originally watched their videos together with the intent of writing a 20k fic about them and also because it's just a double bias situation ;___; i would definitely like to diversify my proficiency in loonashipping and ot12 dynamic so i'm going to make an effort to read more loona fic in the next few months. there's so much out there! i enjoyed getting to write gowon/jinsoul, olivia/yves, and olivia/choerry dynamics here though

上火
26 august 2020, written for #ggflashfic
lin fan/lingzi, qcyn2, 800w

• i wrote this tiny little ficlet because i kept thinking about a late 19th-century chinese silk industry au and lamenting the lack of lin fan/lingzi centric fic but i didn't feel like i could write over 1000 words of either concept. and i was right! i don't think this is a particularly good piece of writing in any way... it's light on character and equally light on worldbuilding because it's 881 words, but all the less to cringe at. i'm just satisfied that i put it out into the world honestly. may someone take my energy and make something of it...
• i've been thinking about the concept of a "historical au" and how different it looks for f/f vs. m/m fic. i feel like i often see m/m historical fic where they're princes or some kind of nobility in a relatively generic fantasy setting. a really obviously western-inspired fantasy setting is pretty jarring when you're reading about asian idols though. occasionally you get an attempt at a somewhat more culturally or historically specific iteration... (honestly i can't think of a kpop/cpop historical au off the top of my head that i love. i think i get this particular hankering from my time in rpdr fandom where authors would write the most incredibly textured, least generic aus you could think of.) anyway what i am really trying to say here is that it requires a lot more thought to figure out how to write a chinese or korean f/f historical au because even nobility has not historically granted women freedom, and people are even less likely to know anything specific about asian history. (for example i'm not interested in reading a story where 2 of my favorite idols are concubines of the same noble and happen to fall in love.... i just am not.) i'm also more interested in working-class historical stories because 1) ordinary people's lives are much less documented and generally way less explored in fiction and 2) the rules of marriage and inheritance are very different for working class people throughout history compared to landowners or nobility. there's a lot more flexibility but the problem is you also need to do a lot more research to write something culturally specific.
• lin fan as market garden tomboy/lingzi as a silk factory zishunü is one working class f/f possibility that i came up with but i'm sure there's many more. even so, i had trouble doing the research because english language scholarship on the 19th century sichuan silk industry is very sparse. i also admit i took a lot of liberty and borrowed the zishunü custom from guangdong... i thought about setting it on the pearl river delta too but i felt like then their mandarin names wouldn't make any sense.

WHAT'S NEXT?

• soonwoo atla au. oh man i have so many thoughts about this i just have to START... maybe next weekend (prayer hands emoji). i'm really excited about soonyoung and wonwoo's backstories but i also don't want to say too much because i love surprising people... but man is it even a surprise if i'm going to force all my friends to read thousands and thousands of words of my writing to get to it?? it's really just a gift to myself. i always say i'm horrible at writing the kind of fic i want to read except for this soonwoo fic which i promise will be for no one more than it is for myself. 0:)
• jeongcheol/95z howl's moving castle au. this got graveyarded after i wrote 1 scene for directcutfest because of how awkward it was but i still really cherish the concept and would like to return to it one day. i also want to explore the jihan possibilities of howl/turnip prince like i just think that's hilarious. the biggest roadblock i had while attempting to storyboard this was realizing that the plot of ghibli howl's moving castle makes absolutely NO sense. like it's straight up a series of non sequiturs, but howl and sophie have such a great love story and the characters are all so lovable that it really doesn't matter. i need to figure out how to make sense of this in fic without producing something completely incoherent.
• loona fe3h au. chaewon and hyejoo at the school of sorcery in fhirdiad!!!!! a classic light mage/dark mage situation where chae is snarky healer with a princess complex and hyejoo is a cuddly touch-starved dark spikes t user. this is like a fic exclusively for me and frog.
• fe3hteen. i need risa to make a post about this because i already forgot everyone's classes but what i do know now is white mage jeonghan teaching dark knight seungcheol to use ragnarok!
• EDITING MY FUCKING THESIS... actually the most important writing task on this list but one i've been putting off literally all summer that i really cannot afford to slack on now. unfortunately i have no interesting thoughts about this one just dread and resignation

Comments

[girlrock]

the heart, telepathic: you know i love this fic and i will think about it always... even if it's a bit heartbreaking to look back on because of hinapia's fate, i don't think the sentiments you explored in this fic were untrue and i still have a lot of positive feelings toward your writing style and how you portrayed kyulwoo. it's still SO good. also re: teenage trainee ethical conundrum, that's what i'm experiencing rn wanting to write txt predebut fic.... i think writing canonverse predebut fic forcibly comes off as presumptuous when we peel back too many layers and assume we know things, but i also want to write something that is modeled after my understanding of a timeline without trying to present it as fact. so it's a weird and difficult place in rpf...

the fire in the sound: once again so gorgeous and incredible. i'm so glad dcf managed to motivate you into writing svt fic and i'm eternally grateful that you participated in our baby fic fest T___T july was fun and i'm really pleased with how things worked out! i'm so glad you're satisfied with this fic because it's such a masterpiece and it showcases the brilliance and breadth of your narrative style so well. hehehe and idt the distance is a plot hole because it's a testament to how things tear us apart unceremoniously and how we must move forward but we will always guard people closely in our hearts... it's absolutely believable that jeonghan would be a person like that, holding on even while bearing the silence.

spiral: i KEEP meaning to get to this and i'm so sorry i haven't... i'm really bad at reading loona fic and things were hectic during gg jukebox posting... but soon T___T the childhood friends switch up is so fun and i love when people play with disparate dynamics like that so kudos to you... once again your brain is huge.

this was such a fun read so thank you for posting! i'm looking forward sooo much to everything you have coming up next and it makes me feel so happy that you're envisioning yourself as a Writer, aka A Person Who Writes, and not just... you know. (waves hand). i don't feel like a writer at all and it's inspiring that you only got into idol fic in recent years but you've already produced such incredible and well-rounded and emotionally gutting work, with such nuance and sensitivity!!!!!!! you're incredible and i know creative work isn't really in the realm of thesis writing at all but i hope this summer has still felt useful for you going forward in tackling writing in general <3

[kumquat]

omg i'm too lucky.... you really didn't have to comment on this immediately after i posted this but i'm touched always to hear ur thoughts about my writing!!! i really admire all the effort you've put into your txt predebut timeline and i do think part of my apprehension is like.. the public nature of posting on ao3 (even if it's user locked). you're dreamwidth fic icon/queen of writing things only for yourself and i admire that so much. sometimes u just want to indulge in harmless speculation because it makes you and like 1 other person in the world happy and that's valid!

also i hope you never feel pressured to read my fic... i know sometimes it's just a Burden even when it's fic you want to/have been meaning to read.

[hyojungss]

you are a wonderful writer and i think it's incredible u wrote 19k over the summer because i wrote 18k in 2020.........

fic really is about timing... i cant rmb if u've read sam's old pinkwoo but it was written before their descent and yet some of it was about the distance that comes with being apart, albeit for slightly different reasons. sam's pinkwoo is also lovely even though she's taken it down so i love talking about it. my oh my girl fic (particularly binho) is absolutely set in time as the relationship and fan perception of it evolved... any fic with pristin even more so T____T

i think its so fascinating that u went into rpf looking for au stories/didn't understand how rps worked. maybe i've always taken it for granted... or that i've always gravitated towards ambiguous/no endgame/gen portrayals simply because they fit into the bounds of idolverse? i think i like the boundaries because they remind me of my own life... on the flip side there are situations or aus i don't enjoy reading idols in just because they seem so far removed from these people and yet their image is being conflated with their ao3 character amalgation. some people are better at separating these images than others. i enjoy both canon and au about equally but i really look for character and real life (or "irl image") dynamic study above all else, and haven't written anything not canon or modern au in so long!

jeonghan pov sounds like so much fun i cant rmb if i've actually done it before... if i have i do not think it was good. it really is fun to explore different mindsets!

thank you for this critical thinking!! it's also really interesting to see what thought processes went into your writing and to see the ways we are similar and different.

[kumquat]

RISA!!!!! i mean this is probably all i will write in 2020 since school has started for me.... i cannot top you in terms of quantity or quality (my fics are just long-winded and chatty whereas u know i admire your word economy/showing not telling so much... and the NUMBER of different concepts you come up with!!!). i definitely gravitate towards what you call irl image i think.... but i am also prone to fits of fancy and am deeply unpractical so sometimes reality and nuance is a little too sad for me. there's this idolverse soonwoo that i know is really good but i just haven't brought myself to read yet because i'm a slut4romcoms in the end.

i am always learning so much for you and i'm very grateful for your friendship and readership even though our writing styles are so different.... even more so because i am just a baby writer and you have been thinking about/working on your craft for so many years compared to me. i just think it's cool